Parenting: Be the Mirror Your Child Needs to Thrive
Parenting: Becoming the Mirror Your Children Need
Parenting is the most important act of leadership we’ll ever be assigned. As a psychologist immersed in clinical practice and the complex systems of U.S. schools, I’ve seen the evidence: intentional, deliberate parenting transforms not just children, but entire families and, by extension, society itself. And as a mom, my degrees and expertise have been tested—and sometimes outright humbled—by my three gremlins children who, like all monsters kids, are master imitators, for better or worse. Monkey see, Monkey do.
Child development isn’t just intricate; it’s personal. Sally’s strategies may fail Steve, but one truth remains: our children are wired to mimic us. Whether we like it or not, we act as their mirrors. They will copy not what we say but what we consistently do. So, if we want to raise children who are resilient, ethical, and self-regulated, we need to reclaim our role as their primary influence—not their reasoners or explainers, but their living, breathing examples. Emotional regulation is taught explicitly, and if we are not regulated parents, our children will not be regulated kids.
Acting as the Mirror: Why Modeling Matters
Here’s the secret: children learn best not through lectures or reasoning but by observing what we model. They watch us—how we handle conflict, approach challenges, and manage emotions—and they internalize these behaviors as their own.
If you want your child to approach life with curiosity and discipline, show them what that looks like. Say aloud, “I’m going to clean up the kitchen now because it helps us stay organized,” and then do it. If you want them to value kindness, let them see you speaking gently, helping a neighbor, or apologizing when you’ve made a mistake. I apologized to my 9-year-old this morning after I needlessly screamed angrily shouted when I was overstimulated. My goal? That one day, when he makes a mistake, he will identify it, apologize, and try better next time.
Talk Less, Model More
It’s tempting to over-explain. We want to reason with our children, to arm them with logical explanations for everything. But the truth is, they don’t need endless words—they need visible, consistent actions. When we model behaviors instead of just talking about them, we provide a roadmap for them to follow.
Want your child to manage conflict calmly? Take a deep breath and speak calmly when you’re upset.
Hoping they’ll take responsibility? Let them see you taking responsibility for your own mistakes.
Wishing they’d stay organized? Show them how you manage your schedule or keep your workspace tidy.
It’s not about perfection—it’s about authenticity. Children don’t need flawless parents; they need parents who are willing to model growth, humility, and consistency.
